


When Someone Is Crying

by KillianJones32



Series: Jily - Cuddle Prompt List [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Unplanned Pregnancy, post marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 13:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12212517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillianJones32/pseuds/KillianJones32
Summary: Lily can’t move.She’d tried to get up from the bathroom floor but she her limbs refused to cooperate.Her first thought was that she couldn’t be pregnant, she’d been so safe; James had been so safe.





	When Someone Is Crying

Lily can’t move.

She’d tried to get up from the bathroom floor but she her limbs refused to cooperate.

Her feet won’t move, her hands can’t grip the sink to help her stand and her eyes won’t stray from the muggle pregnancy test in her hand.

The pregnancy test that had a blue line on it that means she is pregnant.

Just the thought makes bile rise to her throat but apparently either that won’t move either or she’d already thrown up all of the contents of her stomach two hours beforehand.

Her first thought was that she couldn’t be pregnant, she’d been so safe; James had been so safe.

But as a choked sob rises to her throat, the night from two months ago flashes across her mind; that night when James came home from a deadly order mission safe and alive with only a few scratches on him.

She’d been too relieved, he’d been too stunned that he’d survived the carnage he’d just witnessed, Lily honestly couldn’t recall if either of them had remembered protection, magical or muggle but clearly they hadn’t.

Lily’s stomach churns again when she thinks of James.

They’ve never even talked of having children, they haven’t even been married half a year and they’re fighting a goddamn war.

How can they do this?

How can she do this?

Lily was never even sure she wanted children, her mother always assured her that she’d come around but Lily hadn’t bought into that. If she was going to have children one day it would be because she wants them and because she planned it.

Now her mother wasn’t even here, Lily wasn’t even able to run to her and beg her for her help and advice.

Lily knows she should be making a plan, figuring out how she’s going to do this.

Thankfully they can afford having a baby, they were blessed with the Potter fortune and James and Lily both know that so that’s not their biggest issue.

Their biggest problem is they are one of the most wanted people dead by the death eaters and the ever rising Voldemort and the second their child is born they will become an instant target.

She doesn’t realise she’s crying until her chest heaves and her breathing turns ragged and suddenly she can’t stop.

She’s pregnant.

Pregnant

Pregnant

“Lily?”

Her body snaps out of its broken trance and Lily turns slightly to look at the door and she sees James standing there, his face ashen and eyes wide and terrified.

He steps towards her tenderly and kneels before her, Lily tries to calm herself down, tells herself to breathe evenly but she can’t.

She can’t do this.

She can’t tell him.

Lily Evans-Potter was never a woman to doubt herself but with this, with this Lily knew she couldn’t do this, not yet.

And the worst thing about it is when she pictures her and James in a few months time holding a baby, their baby in their arms, her heart fills with warmth and she knows deep down that’s what she wants, she can’t not have this baby but that doesn’t make this any less wrong or any less terrifying.

Lily feels a gentle hand rub soothing circles on her back and she watches as James cups her cheek in his other hand and can barely hear the words he’s saying but she tries so hard to.

“Lily? Watch my breathing okay? Just breathe with me, in…and out….in….and out”

Lily swallows once and then follows James’ breathing as best she can until it eventually works.

Tears are still falling from her eyes like a waterfall but she stops hyperventilating. 

James moves his hand to take one of her shaking hands in his, removing it from its place on the stick which causes Lily to cry more because she knows he has no idea what it is.

How can she tell him?

How could she possibly burden him with this on top of everything?

They stayed like that for Merlin knows how long, James rubbing slow soft circles into Lily’s back and Lily following and imitating James’s breathing.

The tears don’t stop but they became less like sobs and suddenly Lily feels exhausted, all she wants to do is to fall into James’s arms and sleep and not have to deal with any of this.

But when James opens his mouth a minute later she knows she has to.

“Can you tell me what happened love? Is it…was it someone we know?”

Lily frowns at him for a moment and then realises James probably thinks another member of the order has been killed and that’s why she’s so distraught. If he wasn’t just with them, he’d probably think it was one of the Marauders by how she’s acting.

Shaking her head, Lily squeezes his hand a little harder than gently and leans back against the bathroom wall.

“Nobody’s dead, or at least not that I’ve heard of. It’s…James it’s not that.”

A flicker of relief passes over James’s face but then the worry replaces it again complete with its furrowed brow and tensed jaw.

“Then what is it Lils?”

Lily closes her eyes for a second, revelling in the blissfulness of not having to guiltily stare at James’s worried hazel eyes or the torturous blue line on the stick that she must have dropped to the floor awhile ago.

As much as she doesn’t want to tell James the truth and even though she has no idea how to tell him or how he’ll react, she knows she has to because they’re married and she loves him and hopefully they can work through this.

Finally Lily opens her eyes, summons up every ounce of Gryffindor courage within her and looks her husband in the eye.

“I love you” She says honestly because she just has to tell him.

James’s lips try to form a smile but it doesn’t quite work, he’s too concerned.

“I love you too Lily”

Lily wipes her cheeks, feeling the wetness of her tears on them and takes a deep breath in.

“James…James I’m…we’re pregnant.”

There’s silence in the room for the first time in over an hour.

She realises in the back of her mind that she’s stopped crying, her breathing has returned to mostly normal and the only sound she makes is a sniffle.

James blinks at her once and then he blinks again.

She feels his hand go slack in hers so she tightens her grip.

Lily thinks she should say something, anything but she’s not sure what.

She can’t apologise, she can’t tell him she loves him, she can’t tell him it’s okay, she doesn’t want to keep the baby as they’re in the middle of a war and it’s the reasonable thing to do because she does want to keep the baby.

James takes a deep breath in, not to console Lily this time but because he really needs one for himself which Lily finds more than understandable.

Then James does what James always does, the unexpected and he leans forwards and embraces her in a warm, gently-tight hug.

In that moment, Lily tethers on the edge of breaking down again and she wraps her arms around him and buries her face in his neck.

“Are you sure?” He whispers quietly in her ear and all she can do is nod.

They stay like that for what could have been hours, wrapped in each other’s arms, their legs sprawled uncomfortably on the floor and their chests aching but neither of them can bear the thought of leaving before they’re ready.

Eventually they are ready though and Lily pulls away first, suddenly feeling extremely warm and needing the extra room to breathe, she could also really do with a glass of water and she murmurs this to James and that’s how they somehow end up sitting on their couch in the sitting room with two glasses of water on the table and their legs intertwined holding each other’s hand.

And then James asks the inevitable question.

“Are you going to keep the baby?”

Lily forces herself not to break eye contact with him and she hates that after almost ten years of knowing him and being able to read his facial expression at the drop of a hat, she can’t tell what he’s thinking right now when it matters the most.

“I want to” She whispers “I know it’s not smart. I know it’s incredibly dangerous. I know all of that but…but I just can’t imagine any other scenario where I don’t keep this baby James.”

She wasn’t sure what reaction she was expecting but James’s chocked laugh wasn’t it.

“Merlin, it’s selfish but I was hoping you’d say that” James squeezes her hand gently and Lily’s eyes well with tears again.

“Really?”

James smiles and brushes Lily’s tears away even though she catches his own eyes watering as well.

“Yeah, yeah of course. It’s your decision Lily but I…I want this kid too. It’s ours. I know the timing is possibly the worst in the world but hey it’s us, we’ll make it work. We always make it work.”

The small laugh that escapes her lips surprises her just as much as his laugh did.

“You really think so?”

James nods and kisses Lily on the forehead and lets her head fall into his shoulder again as his fingers move to trail in her hair.

“I know so”

Lily closes her eyes and breathes in the familiar scent of wood and rain that’s her husband and finally lets herself relax into his embrace.

Her chest still aches and that stick on the floor of the bathroom still terrifies her but when James lays a hand lightly on her still flat stomach, Lily’s breath catches and if she had any energy in her she’d smile.

It isn’t the perfect situation and it isn’t the right time but nevertheless she is pregnant.

But she’s pregnant with James Potter’s child. James Potter who would do anything for his family, who loved them more than anything in the world and who would be by her side until the very end.

Lily’s still afraid but she knows that together they could get through this; they could have this baby and make it work.

They could do it because they were a family, because they have each other and because even though it isn’t ideal, they both can’t imagine doing anything else.

**Author's Note:**

> these were sent in as prompts and posted months ago on my tumblr here: [x](http://remusjohnlvpin.tumblr.com/)


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